A Life in Two Keys

Guess what?

2007-11-06T16:15:00.000-05:00

I'm moving to a new, slightly more anonymous blog. Please email me at lifetwokeys at yahoo dot com if you'd like the URL. Thanks!

On hand-me-downs & tag sales

2007-11-02T15:04:00.000-04:00

I just heard about a huge annual tag sale that takes place in a neighboring town; the sale is tomorrow morning. One of my work parents told me that it's an excellent sale, great for getting gently used kids' toys and clothes. I've always been big on the secondhand stuff, but I'm even bigger on it since becoming a mama.

Wanna know something weird? I think that being a thrift shopper/hand-me-down aficionado is hurting one of my friendships. I'm trying to suck it up, but when friends who are expecting their first child told me they don't want any of Hester's hand-me-downs, I was really offended. I tried to be gracious about it, but inside I was all, "What, you're too good for our hand-me-downs?" They said that since this is their first child, they want the baby to have all new stuff. They're not accepting any hand-me-downs or doing any thrift shopping, which boggles my mind.

All this thriftiness goes deep for me. Some of my favorite outfits in childhood came from other people's trash cans, and it never occurred to me to be ashamed of that. On the contrary, I was proud that my mom got for free something that other people paid good money to have. Garbage picking made sense to me, especially when I saw the rewards. It was only when I got older that I began to understand that many people value paying full price for new things over paying pennies for used things. All I can think now is that all of us learned these attitudes somewhere, probably from or in reaction to our early experiences with shopping. I know I did; I bet my friends did, too, though I'm too chicken to open up that can of worms with them.

Whatever. The bottom line for my family is that Hester needs a winter coat and some teeny tiny winter boots (because OMG she's a biped now!), so we'll be doing some thrift shopping. And regardless of other people's attitudes, I'm hoping we'll pass on the value of thriftiness to our daughter.

It should be South Side Story

2007-11-01T20:12:00.000-04:00

Tonight I let inertia take over and skipped a trip to the grocery store. I might regret it tomorrow, but I doubt it: I just overheard Petunia sing to Hester a medley of songs from West Side Story, including "There's a Crib For You" to the tune of "There's a Place for Us," "Your Sleep Sack" to the tune of "Maria," and, "The Baby's Gonna Have Her Way Tonight" to the tune of "Tonight." Priceless, I tell you. Priceless.

Random thoughts

2007-11-01T14:42:00.000-04:00

--I am so happy it's November: I have 4 days off this month! I'm feeling v. burned out on my job.

--I'm having a strange craving for canned chicken soup and goldfish crackers. Gross, right? But DELICIOUS as well.

--One of my work kids made a spontaneous turkey hand print this morning in celebration of November. I got all sentimental, like, "Oh, turkey hand prints! Hester will make her own turkey hand print in a couple of weeks! It'll be the first in a long line of turkey hand prints," etc. I'm such a dork.

--Has anyone ever tried the Peapod service from Stop & Shop? Is it worth the $7?

--I still haven't met any new moms in my area. I'll resort to Gymboree et al. if necessary, but I really don't want to go there. Any ideas?

--Every year I itch to go to New York in the fall (I usually go in the spring). I don't think I'll get there this fall, either. Blah.

--Wouldn't it be awesome to swim in a hot spring right now?

--I love Halloween in my neighborhood--it's such a fun holiday and there are SO many kids in the neighborhood! We had roughly 150 trick-or-treaters last night, many in big groups with parents/older kids supervising the little kids. My pet peeve: Kids not saying thank you. My favorite thing: Teens trick-or-treating alongside preschoolers.

--I'm knitting a sweater for Hester that's fluorescent yellow with fluorescent pink accents; it's v. 1985 and obnoxiously bright. I hope to post pictures soon, but in the meantime just try to imagine a sweater this hideous/beautiful! Hells yeah.

Happy Halloween!

2007-10-31T07:40:00.000-04:00

(This last one is my favorite!)

Uh-oh

2007-10-25T14:23:00.000-04:00

Dudes, I totally screwed myself: I have a work interview tonight with a prospective family. I really don't need a new family right now, but I got hooked because the 5-month old baby (!) is the grandson of a woman at church. I keep telling myself that the family's just looking for drop-in care for a few days in December, but it's still rough. Here's the thing, though--drop-ins usually morph into part-timers, and part-timers sometimes morph into full-timers. I have 2 kids who'll be moving in late spring/early summer, so I need to be thinking about adding a part- or full-time family to my roster for that time frame. Sigh. I just wish I had more energy for all this. But on the other hand, there's the possibility of another BABY! So exciting.

Another meme

2007-10-24T13:36:00.000-04:00

This one's from JPP!

5 Things I Do Well

1. Organizing: I'm not an INFJ-emphasis on-the-J for nothing! I make lists, I sort, I prioritize, I plan. I'm totally Type A, can you tell?

2. Finding bargains: I'm a v. thrifty shopper--I use coupons, shop at secondhand clothing stores, and buy on clearance.

3. Managing crises: I can obsess for hours about minor things, but I'm calm and reliable in a true crisis. I did this work professionally for years and even was trained as a community responder in critical incident stress management. My brother likes to tell this story from when we were little: I was babysitting for him when he barreled into the living room, hand covered in blood, screaming, "HELP--I cut my hand real bad!" He claims that I took one look, sighed, and said, "Apply direct pressure and keep your hand above your heart. I'll call 911." It turned out that he was playing a joke on me--the "blood" was actually ketchup--but the joke was on him when I didn't freak out like he'd anticipated. Ah, sibling love!

4. Keeping in touch: I grew up an Army brat and learned early on that if I didn't make an effort at keeping in touch with my friends, I'd lose them. I'm proud that although I'm an Army brat, I still have a friend today whom I met in 4th grade.

5. Seeing: At my last eye exam I had 20/10 vision. Now I think it's more like 20/15, but still--I have great eyesight. Hello, Hawkeyes!

And now, for good measure...

5 Things I Do Poorly

1. Cooking: I'm lazy and picky and don't have any sense of which foods taste good together. I'm also bad at knowing when food is done, so I usually overcook or undercook. I hate cooking and I'm pretty awful at it, too.

2. Math: I suck at it, really and truly. An example: When I took the GRE the first time, my math score was in the upper-30th percentile. After I studied like crazy (again) for the math section and retook the exam, my math score dropped to the low-30th percentile. Whaaa? At any rate, I'm glad that Petunia's good at math cuz I sure as hell won't be able to help Hester with her homework once she's out of 3rd grade.

3. Confronting people: This goes against my nature. I'd rather run away than call people out. However, getting older, running my business, and becoming a mom are helping in this regard. I'm getting more assertive all the time.

4. Art: I'm a terrible artist. Painting, drawing, sculpting, etc.--I'm just no good.

5. Running: I once took an F in gym class rather than attempt a 5-minute mile (yes, it was an Army school). If you ever see me running, you'll know that A) there's an alligator on my tail, or B) I'm taking steroids for a tenacious sinus infection. I suck at running.

The end.

Hester hearts fall!

2007-10-23T13:43:00.000-04:00

Adventures in babysitting

2007-10-22T20:49:00.000-04:00

We're going to be meeting with a potential babysitter for Hester this weekend. Considering what I do for work, I'm surprisingly nervous about the meeting. We've only left Hester once--with my parents--and that was just a couple of weeks ago. I'm not sure we're up to leaving her with a stranger, but there you go. We'll do our very best to screen this person; we'll call her references and ask her assloads of questions. After that, we'll go with our guts. If you have any advice on screening a possible babysitter, I'd appreciate hearing it.

(An aside: Why oh why don't we know any local parents? A child care swap would be AWESOME.)

It's time for Spencers!

2007-10-22T14:06:00.000-04:00

These are my v. favorite apples--they're a MacIntosh/Red Delicious cross. Interestingly, I don't like Macs or Delicious apples at all, but I live for Spencers.

What's your favorite variety of apple?

Fall in western MA

2007-10-22T13:55:00.000-04:00

Check it out

2007-10-20T10:21:00.000-04:00

Dumbledore is gay!

Attention future gift recipients

2007-10-19T14:55:00.000-04:00

Please email me your real name and mailing address at lifetwokeys at yahoo dot com. Thanks!

Meme fun

2007-10-18T14:32:00.000-04:00

From Sster: Choose a word for each letter of your middle name (then you must tag other bloggers, one for each letter).

So alrighty then, here goes:

J is for jack o'lantern. Petunia's a master carver and I can't wait to see what she has up her sleeve for this Halloween. We're going out to western MA for pumpkins this weekend!

(I'm tagging JPP for this one because I think she might humor me and play along.)

O is for Olive. I have a slight hearing loss that's sometimes good for laughs, as in this scenario:

Petunia, several years ago, talking about the day after New Year's Day: I have all of Wednesday off. Isn't that great? I love Wednesday!

Clementine: What? Olive Wednesday? I've never heard of that. Is that some crazy Catholic holiday?

She puts up with a lot, doesn't she? But FYI--we now celebrate Olive Wednesday the first Wednesday after New Year's Day. We give each other olive-themed cards or small olive-y gifts. It's become an annual tradition.

(I don't care if it's cheating--I'm tagging Petunia because I want her to post again!)

Holy cow!

2007-10-16T13:30:00.000-04:00

Is this the best PMS care package ever or what? My psychic twin JPP sent it to me today! Isn't she awesome?

Thanks so much, JPP! And PS--the Zebra Cake is already history.

News about baby foods

2007-10-15T16:22:00.000-04:00

This morning Hester went to the doctor for her 9-month checkup. Dr. Gentle told Petunia that Hester can have all sorts of table foods now, including egg whites, and said we can start giving her milk along with formula at ~11 months. The most interesting thing she said was that Hester can have peanut butter at 12 months. Whaaa? I thought that peanut butter was strictly verboten until 3 years, but apparently not. I just did some online checking, and it turns out that the AAP recommends delaying peanut butter only for children with a high risk for peanut allergy. Who knew?

Q&A

2007-10-15T13:44:00.000-04:00

Questions from frog:

1. How have your pets adjusted to not being your only babies any longer?

Thankfully, the furbabies have adjusted beautifully. They love their little sister!

Before Hester came home from the hospital, we lined the pet beds with her baby blankets and pet the furbabies while holding her laundry. When Hester finally came home, they seemed to know her right away. Clara is very protective of her and loves to play with her, Josephine comforts her when she fusses or cries, and Reuben doesn't interact much but likes sitting on a pillow on the rocking chair in her room. Of course, all three pets are used to kids (even babies) from my business. Still, I think we've been v. lucky with them.

2. How did you find your way to adoption?

The short answer: Neither of us had any interest in being pregnant and both of us have a personal connection to adoption through foster care.

3. What's the very best thing about where you live (city, neighborhood, house, you choose!)?

I wrote a post a while back that sums it up completely for me.

I won something!

2007-10-12T19:38:00.000-04:00

A great big ol' THANK YOU goes out to Heather from Production, Not Reproduction...I won a random drawing on her site and am now the grateful recipient of a subscription to Entertainment Weekly!

How cool is that? Thanks so much, Heather!

In which I am a wicked copycat

2007-10-12T15:06:00.000-04:00

From frog's blog:

By the end of the calendar year, I will send a tangible, physical gift to each of the first five people to comment here. The catch? Each person must make the same offer on her/his blog.

Who's with me? Let's get this party started!

National Coming Out Day

2007-10-11T13:55:00.000-04:00

There are certain people I always remember on NCOD: my first girlfriend; the children's lit professor who called me out; my best friend; my family. Petunia too, of course. I give thanks every year for having such love and support in my life.

But I also think of the LGBT youth I had the privilege of knowing in my work as a crisis counselor: the whip-smart transgender woman who got herself off cocaine by reading Harry Potter; the young gay man raped by his father and brother after coming out to them; the trans and genderqueer youth who danced around the center fighting over Beyonce's part in "Say My Name"; the lesbian grad students who fell in love and eventually got married; the young gay man who died of AIDS several hours after my coworker and I visited him. All the homeless youth, unsafe or unwanted at home. All the suicidal youth. All the youth who used substances to escape. All the accidentally pregnant young lesbians and bisexual women. All the queer kids in group homes or psych units who visited the center on day passes. All the youth whose parents, families, religions, teachers, coaches, doctors, therapists, and friends told them they were sick, evil, or wrong.

On this particular NCOD, I'm also thinking of someone new: my daughter. My beloved Hester. My precious little girl who's being raised by two moms, who has no idea now that someday she'll be called to defend or deny her family. The very idea makes me want to scream and throw myself in her path to deflect the hate and ignorance she'll certainly encounter, but I can't walk this road for her. All I can do is help light her way.

*****

Happy National Coming Out Day to my queer sisters and brothers, and Happy National Coming Out Day to our many allies. May we live each day with pride.

Hester's Baptism

2007-10-09T15:39:00.000-04:00

Who knew that Hester's baptism would be so moving? She was amazing, calm and composed as she joined her community of faith. The ceremony took place in the church where we were married on the 6th anniversary of our wedding; it was performed by the priest who married us. Many of our friends and family were in attendance. The whole day was filled with joy and blessings.

Baby Hester a few minutes before the service began.

Blurry photo of Hester being baptized.

Long weekend plans

2007-10-03T14:10:00.000-04:00

Today is my last day of work till next Tuesday. HOORAY!!!!! Folks start arriving tomorrow for Hester's baptism, and we'll have a busy, fun time of it from then till Monday. I'm especially looking forward to introducing Hester to her other great grandma. I think this is going to be a really nice long weekend.

Hester's baptism dress and bloomer (read: butt sweater) are drying on the washer as I type this. I'll add a button to the back of the dress and ribbons to both pieces this evening; after that, the dress will be completely finished. I'm glad that Petunia had the idea to make Hester's dress ourselves.

CPR recap

2007-10-02T15:35:00.000-04:00

So, the CPR class sucked. It was VERY long. I got home at 10pm all cranky and sore...it turns out that even mild wrist and ankle sprains are not conducive to repetitive life saving. Who knew?

For those who wish to skip the latest recert class, I present to you the info I relearned last night:

1. For infant/child CPR: 30 chest compressions to 2 breaths.
2. For infant/child rescue breathing, it's 1 breath every 3 seconds.
3. For conscious choking, it's 5 back blows and 5 abdominal thrusts for kids; 5 back blows and 5 chest compressions for infants.
4. For unconscious choking, it's the same as your basic CPR, only you're trying to clear the airway rather than to circulate blood. Check the kid's mouth after each cycle of compressions to see if you got anything out of the airway.
5. For chest compressions, the rate is 100 compressions/minute; kids' compressions go 1-1.5 inches deep and infants' go .5-1 inch deep.
6. An infant is anyone under ~1 year and a child is anyone ~1-12 years old.
7. And finally, the Red Cross Gold Standards: Check-Call-Care and Airway-Breathing-Circulation. If you don't know what the hell I'm talking about, you'd better start with the standard CPR class.

That'll be $30, please.

You're welcome.

"Baby baby are you okay?"

2007-10-01T16:21:00.000-04:00

--Early Intervention came today to assess the little guy I've been worried about. They didn't find any delays in his basic development, but they don't know what's up with him. They're referring him to a psychologist and an occupational therapist, however. I'm hopeful that soon we'll have a better idea of how to help him.

--Hester, Petunia, and I went to Baby Loves Disco over the weekend! It was really fun.

--I fell down last night and now I'm a mess. My ankle, wrist, and hand got the worst of it, but nothing's broken or even badly sprained. I'm just tender and sore, which is fun.

--I have my CPR recertification class tonight. There's nothing better than waking up in the wee hours, working a 10-hour day, and then sitting in a CPR class for 3.5 hours. Oh, I can hardly wait.

I heart Fridays

2007-09-28T15:46:00.000-04:00

I heart them so very much.

The end.

Sadness

2007-09-27T07:07:00.001-04:00

Yesterday I learned that a woman I knew at school died Friday while serving in Iraq. She was an Army surgeon.

I can't stop thinking about her.

National Adoption Day

2007-09-24T15:36:00.001-04:00

We got word today that we'll be finalizing Hester's adoption on Friday, November 16--National Adoption Day. I'm not looking forward to it. I'd hoped that we could do something small, something that would honor the solemnity of the occasion as well as the mixed emotions that the day will surely bring. I'd hoped it would be just Ms. Stork (our social worker), our little family, and the judge. Instead, we're going to have Adoptionpalooza! complete with arts and crafts, a community breakfast, and a press conference "to celebrate all the adopting families."

It just feels wrong to me.

I wonder what Hester will think of this day in years to come. Will she think it's cool that there was such a to-do on the day she legally joined our family, or will she be angry that such fuss was made on such a bittersweet day? Hard to say.

In the meantime, I wish we trusted the placing agency enough to tell them what we really want. Knowing them, it's better to go along with the carnival of National Adoption Day than to fight for our own small, private adoption day. November 16 is the soonest day we'd be able to adopt Hester, so that's what we'll do. We'll make it legal like some tacky Vegas wedding, then we'll get the hell out of there.

Pumpkins

2007-09-21T13:51:00.000-04:00

Fingerpainting!

2007-09-20T14:56:00.000-04:00

A bit better

2007-09-19T15:49:00.000-04:00

Okay, I'm feeling a bit better. No news on the neighbor dog, but dusting is done, clothes are put away, and I've had some Milk Duds and a Diet Coke. Also, Hester is pulling herself up on the clothes basket. How cool is that?

Aw crap

2007-09-19T13:41:00.000-04:00

Nightmarish morning: One child scared and sobbing, two others fighting, Hester still sick. The neighbor's dog was hit by a car while the kids and I were in the yard. As I tried to help, the kids picked the last of our tomatoes and crushed them. V. messy lunchtime, late nap time. Tough talk with a parent about Early Intervention for her son. Loads of laundry to put away and dusting still to do.

The day can only improve, right?

Snapdragon is coming

2007-09-18T14:38:00.000-04:00

My brother-in-law Snapdragon will be here tomorrow. He'll be staying for a whole week! I'm excited to see him but I'm nervous, too. The last time he visited the logistics were tough, but this time I think they'll be tougher, because:

1. I'll be working during his visit,
2. He's on west coast time, and
3. Hester Willa is here. She's also sickly right now.

So. I think we're going to put him in our room while we crash on an air mattress in Hester's room. That's going to suck royally for us, but I really think it'll be the best arrangement since he'll be up later and get up later than we will. Wish us luck and good sleeping vibes for Hester! Fingers crossed that she doesn't get too excited about seeing us in her room.

I confess that I'm worried about the work part, too. Our house from 8am-6pm is not a restful place...just ask Petunia when she's home sick from work. Snapdragon hopes to study during this trip while he's on break from school. The last time he tried this (a couple of years ago when my work kids were much quieter than they are now) he went back home saying he never wanted to have kids. Oi. I'm hopeful that Petunia will help him find quiet places to study, but I'm nervous that he'll be miserable while he's here. I know she plans to g on lots of little day trips with Snapdragon and Hester, so maybe all this worry is for nothing.

In anticipation of Snapdragon's visit, today I'm busy cleaning and getting things ready for his arrival. I'm not going too crazy, but some things need to be done before he comes. I've done a lot already, but I still need to dust, put away several loads of clean clothes, and tidy up our bedroom. I also need to figure out what to make for dinner tomorrow night. If Hester goes down easily tonight, all will be well. If not, I'm going to be super busy tomorrow morning. Here's hoping for a sleepy, peaceful baby and a quick and easy round of cleaning.

Cheerleading for my baby

2007-09-17T13:41:00.000-04:00

This just in: Hester graduated from Early Intervention this morning. YAHOO! She's a star and we're so happy for her. The assessment was HARDCORE but she did great. I'm relieved to put those visits behind us.

Also, we learned that Hester has her 2nd ear infection. We thought we were going to have to take her to the ER last night when she couldn't lie down without screaming, but eventually she fell asleep. She was her usual chipper self this morning, but we knew something was wrong. Petunia took her to the doctor just after her EI assessment and now the 2 of them are at the pharmacy getting the kid more pink stuff. Poor little baby! She sure tries to tough these things out.

And finally, at the doctor's office Petunia learned that Hester had gained 2 lbs. since her last visit. The doctor was v. pleased and said that Hester's doing great weight-wise. She's now a respectable (smallish, but solid) 15 lbs. 12 oz. Yay, baby Hester!

So that's the news from here. Yay for Hester Willa!

A little help from my (bloggy) friends

2007-09-14T06:43:00.000-04:00

Some of you have experience with this sort of thing, so I'll just throw it out here. What could be going on with a 2-year old child who presents with the following issues?

--fear of children in same age group; extreme fear of roughhousing or boisterous play
--high-pitched keening, crying, and shaking when distressed
--extreme sensitivity to and fear of loud noises
--tremendous separation anxiety from caregiver
--these problems come and go randomly as far as I can tell. I bet there's a trigger somewhere, but it's not blatant
--he used to have an obsession with lights and light switches and he used to flap his hands, but those behaviors have gone away

This little boy is fine when he's in my arms or in a back carrier, but that's not feasible when there are 4 other children to care for. His pediatrician says he looks great and dismissed his mother's concerns with the statement that "all 2-year olds are fearful and anxious from time to time." She's pressing the pediatrician on it again today after I had to call her for an early pickup; clearly he's not okay as he cried and shook every time one of the other kids looked at him.

This little boy is a wonderful kid and I want to care for him appropriately, but I can't figure out what's going on with him. Two coping strategies work fairly well some of the time: making him a cozy nest where he can observe, but not interact with, the other children, and helping him remember to cover his ears when loud noises occur. His mom gives him a pacifier and a lovey when things get tough, and they work sometimes as well.

I used to think this little one had Asperger's, but he doesn't have the hallmarks of that syndrome. Perhaps he has a different autism spectrum disorder. I have a call in to Early Intervention for him, so we'll see what happens on that front. In the meantime, if you recognize this child's behaviors as anything more than a random cluster of behaviors, would you please email me? Thanks. I really appreciate your help.

Lifebook

2007-09-11T16:02:00.000-04:00

Lately I've been hard at work on Hester's lifebook. I just finished most of the text and I think it's coming together well, but I wonder if I put too much information in it. I don't want to leave anything out, but I'm also the kind of person who thinks that more is more when it comes to information.

I used Beth O'Malley's framework for constructing the book but wrote it with my own phrasing, including lots of little details like what Ariana ate when she was pregnant with Hester and how one of Hester's relatives is a Junior Olympian. I didn't shy away from the birds and bees stuff, or Hester's birth and hospitalization, or the very difficult reasons why Ariana and Bobby said they made an adoption plan for her. I think it's a good lifebook, but I also think it's pretty weighty. Overwhelming, even. But doesn't Hester deserve to know her truth from the get-go, details and all?

I just hope I'm not effing this up.

Schedules, division of labor, and other household woes

2007-09-07T14:42:00.000-04:00

Today Sster posted her daily schedule and her household division of labor issues. She encouraged her readers to do the same. I'm up for it, so here goes nothing!

Daily Schedule (Weekdays)

4:45am: Alarm goes off

5-6am: Get out of bed; feed Hester; feed Clara and let her out; make coffee; say goodbye to Petunia

6-8am: Laundry; dishes; wash floors and surfaces; shower; clean bathroom; dress and change Hester; breakfast (if time)

8-9am: Kids arrive

9am: Breakfast

10am: Feed Hester

12pm: Lunch; feed Clara and cats

1-3:30pm: Naptime for kids; write kids' daily notes; eat lunch; blog, email; knit or read; feed Hester

3:30pm: Kids up

4pm: Snack

6pm: Kids leave; feed Hester; pick up house; feed Clara and cats

6:30pm: Petunia home on Wednesdays and Thursdays

7pm: Play with Hester; read, knit, or watch bad TV; eat dinner; catch up with Petunia (Wed. & Thurs. only); chat on phone with family
--or--
Run to grocery, Target, post office, etc.

8pm: Hester ready for bed

8:30pm: Hester asleep (knock wood); get bottles ready for morning

9-10pm: Let Clara out final time; bedtime

10:15pm: Petunia home (Tuesdays and Fridays)

[There's also a lot of playing and child-wrangling during those hours from 8am-6pm, but I don't need to tell you that.]

So, you can see that my day is chock full of household activities as part of and on top of my regular work. In addition to most of the cleaning and laundry, I do the trash and recycling, lawn mowing (ha! all 5 blades of grass!), pet care (though Petunia does the cats' litter pan 75% of the time), finances, letter writing and birthday remembering, and most of the basic goods shopping. It's an inherently unequal division of labor situation, but (right now, anyway) it works for us.

This is, it's working for us except in one BIG area: Dinner. Here are the issues with dinner, but you have to promise not to make fun of me before you read on:

1. I hate to cook and I'm way pickier than Petunia; I'd happily eat turkey hotdogs or cereal morning, noon, and night. Additionally, I'm a pretty awful cook (I'm pretty good at baking, though!). I'm also freaking exhausted by the end of the workday. After planning and preparing or cooking 3 meals/day for the kids in my care, I just can't bring myself to plan/prepare/cook anything for Petunia and me. It's awful--when 6pm comes I just want to lie down and have someone put a sandwich in my mouth. Tired + lazy = shitty eating habits.

2. Petunia loves cooking, but she walks into the house at 6:30pm twice a week and 10:30pm twice a week. She doesn't know what's in the fridge, she's exhausted as well, and she gets frustrated with my pickiness. Also, she and Hester are vegetarian while I eat chicken and turkey.

3. I hate leftovers. Also, I can't bear to eat things I smelled cooking for longer than 15 minutes or so, which means that while I can make chili or soup or crock pot goodness and serve it to others, I can't actually eat those foods myself. It grosses me out.

4. Our kitchen chairs are tricked out with booster seats for the kids and it's a pain in the ass to remove them every night and put them back on every morning. Lazy, perhaps, but there you go.

5. All of which means that we have one of several things for dinner: Pizza, breakfast for dinner, burritos, sandwiches, hot dogs (turkey and veggie, respectively), cereal. Seriously, these are the foods we eat at night. And we eat them on the couch, usually while Hester's playing on the floor in another part of the room. I know, we're bad moms. For reals.

6. I feel really guilty about this because I'd like Hester to grow up eating dinner with us. Right now, it's one of those things I've had to push off in a "choose your battles" kind of way. After all, she has communal meals 3x/day and snuggly bottles 5x/day. Also, we can't eat while we're feeding her, so it's been easier to justify lax mealtimes. However, a more formal dinner together would be nice, especially since Hester's starting to eat finger foods now. As she grows, I expect this will be my #1 area of Mama Guilt unless I can get a handle on it soon.

I'm not necessarily looking for help with this; I think Petunia and I will have to come up with something that works for us. Eventually, I think I'll need to bite the bullet and sacrifice some of my precious little personal time for the greater good of eating together. Now, if only I could figure out what to make tonight....

In which I see red

2007-09-06T13:42:00.000-04:00

Our placing agency fucking SUCKS.

We were eligible to apply for a court date to finalize Hester's adoption on July 18, which was 6 months after Hester was placed with us. Of course, the placing agency has been giving us the runaround since then. We're not surprised about this--they were even worse before Hester was born and worse still when she was in the hospital. They're lazy, incompetent, and negligent; they also lie all the time. This time, they say that their lawyer is refraining from sending us our Petition to Adopt and Affidavit of Petitioner paperwork "until they have a few more families ready to finalize." BULLSHIT! I know they're giving us shitty treatment because of our particular situation. I'm incensed about it.

The very minute we finalize, Petunia's going straight to their board of directors. The director of the agency deserves to lose her job.

Hester hearts apples

2007-09-04T15:45:00.000-04:00

In rural northern NY even the 7-month olds ride horses

2007-09-04T13:39:00.001-04:00

Later, gators

2007-08-31T16:24:00.000-04:00

Tonight we're off to northern NY for a long weekend with my extended family. Hester will be thoroughly spoiled by her grandparents and we'll all get to visit with 91-year old Great Grandma Hester. Good times are ahead if we can make it through the long drive. MassPike and NY Thruway, here we come!

Here's wishing y'all a great long weekend. Happy Labor Day!

Outstanding news

2007-08-31T16:08:00.000-04:00

YAY, IOWA!

The back of the dress

2007-08-30T13:47:00.001-04:00

I finished the back of Hester's dress this morning. It looks v. small, but that's because the stockinette stitch rolls in on itself. Once I block it, stitch it together, and add the trim, it should be the correct size for her. Fingers crossed, anyway! This is what the dress should look like when it's finished, by the way:

I think it's getting there, don't you?

I mean business

2007-08-30T13:07:00.000-04:00

I had another surprise inspection this morning from my licensor and I'm pleased to say that all is well. V. well, in fact! We were listening to salsa and playing in the indoor tunnel when he showed up, entirely unannounced. It was scary for me--unannounced visits make me anxious!--but I knew everything was fine. Now I'm to be licensed for another 3 years.

Despite all the work issues I've had since Hester came home, I'm proud of myself. Petunia and I took a big risk 4 years ago when we decided to buy a house, move west, and start my business. We planned like crazy and I worked my ass off, taking weekend jobs to allow myself time to get my program off the ground. As word of mouth spread, I found some (mostly) great families and get referrals for new ones all the time. Financially, my business allows us to claim ~1/3 of our mortgage, utilities, groceries, etc., which helps a lot. And now that Hester is here, she has all these friends who love her to bits and whom she absolutely adores.

This job is crazy hard in many respects: the consistency is a killer, I get sick constantly, and I have to keep the house wicked neat and clean. I have to remind myself daily (if not hourly) why I'm doing this. I usually think about Hester when things get difficult, but today's licensing visit reminds me that I can think of one other thing: This is my business, and I'm proud of it.

Bummer

2007-08-27T13:24:00.000-04:00

On Saturday night I realized that Hester's dress would be too big, despite my initial gauge swatch. Disappointed, I had to frog the whole effing thing. I started it over in the 3-6 month size, though, and it's coming along nicely now. Still, I was 1/4 done before I had to rip it out. Now I'm not even 1/8 done--boo hoo. Here's hoping Hester doesn't have some crazy growth spurt between now and October!

In which some random asshat makes my day

2007-08-23T14:18:00.000-04:00

Last week I received a notice in the mail saying I needed to pony up $40 for a parking ticket in Boston. The notice went on to say that "the correspondence [I] sent is not sufficient grounds for appeal." Since I haven't received a parking ticket in quite a while, I was stumped. I called the parking clerk yesterday to inquire about the entire situation, and here's what went down:

Bad: I really did receive a $40 parking ticket. I got it for parking in a resident-only zone while we attended my surprise party. That's sucky.

Worse: Some random asshat mailed it back to the parking clerk with "a 4-letter word written on it," according to the clerk.

Fabulous: Because said 4-letter word counts as a letter of protest against the ticket, I only owe $40, despite the ticket being over a month old. If they hadn't received the altered ticket, I would've had to pay $53. Yay, due process! And thanks, asshat!

Knitting the baptism dress

2007-08-22T14:54:00.000-04:00

Baptism dress

2007-08-21T15:09:00.000-04:00

Yesterday Petunia decided that we should knit Hester's baptism dress. After a moment's pause, I concurred. Are we nuts or what? Nothing says pressure like a deadline and a Garment That Must Be Perfect. Or, you know, wearable. We'll see how it goes...y'all already know how much I love small gauge and/or deadline knitting.

I actually started the dress early this morning after doing my trusty gauge swatch. The dress is on size 5s with Debbie Bliss white merino and it's from a pattern in the Debbie Bliss Baby Knits for Beginners book. I just read online that the pattern I'm using has problems with its neckline, but whatever. I also decided to go with seed stitch as the decorative stitch rather than garter stitch, so that should be fun to change up, too. But as much as I want to complain, I have to say this: I'm 13 rows into the back of the dress and it's already so pretty. I hope that Hester will like it; I hope she'll also like the matching sweater and booties that Petunia will make for her.

From now till October 7, it'll be All Knitting, All the Time around these parts! I'll try to post pictures as I work. Here's hoping things go according to plan; otherwise, it's a tacky shiny polyester dress from Sears for us. The horror!

Pain in the neck: An update

2007-08-21T15:08:00.001-04:00

My neck is fine today, too. I think it really was that damned chair!

Pain in the neck

2007-08-20T16:07:00.000-04:00

I've had this pain in my neck since April or May where the back of my neck gets so tense it's hard to turn my head to the side or to bring my chin to my chest. Nice, huh? Sounds like a stress reaction, doesn't it? Even better, it only happened on work days; Saturdays, Sundays, and vacation days were completely pain-free. I blamed my work, thinking the kids were literally pains in the neck.

It turns out I might have been unfair to them, though. The true culprit might have been something else altogether: My office chair.

Whaaa?

Today is the first day in months that my neck hasn't killed. Today is also my first day with our new desk chair from IKEA. Coincidence? I think not. Seriously, I think this new chair is making a world of difference already--no more pain in the neck for me!

And now if you'll excuse me, I think I owe an apology to 7 toddlers and preschoolers.

I'm ba-ack!

2007-08-20T13:47:00.000-04:00

Alrighty then. I took a little bloggy break but now I'm back like gangbusters.

And did I mention that it's feeling like FALL around here? Cool days, cooler nights. Maple leaves have begun to fall in our yard and I saw my first scarlet leaves today in our local cemetery. Petunia bought some mums for our porch and we pulled out some warmer clothes for Hester. Apple picking, pumpkins, and scarves can't be far off. I love it!

In other news, I took the kids to the playground this morning and had a funny conversation with a 10-year old there:

Kid: Are they triplets? [Side note: I get this all the time from passersby. I heard it 3 times this morning alone; one woman even exited her car to stare at us and ask whether the boys are triplets. People are nuts, huh?]

Clementine: No, they're friends.

Kid: They're not yours?

Clementine: No, they're not mine. I run a child care program at my home, and these kids are friends who come to my child care program. [Hester is with her Mumzy today.]

Kid, brightening: You know, I want to have a daycare when I grow up! Maybe part-time, though. Parents struggle with their kids so much, so I think I won't have kids myself. I'll just take care of other people's kids cuz I love kids. But part-time, though. I don't love them that much.

How awesome is that?

Glamour shots

2007-08-10T14:52:00.000-04:00

True confession: We're taking Hester to get her 6-month photo done at a kiddie portrait studio tomorrow morning. I know, I know--could we be more middle class?

I'm trying not to let my inner stage mother get the best of me, but what in the world should this child wear to her sitting? I'm inclined to put her in something v. casual, but this is the only studio photo she'll have until her first birthday. Should we go more formal? Should we stick to casual wear? Eh, who the hell knows. One thing's for sure: There will be no naked baby pics! Those are just plain creepy to me.

Inspiration needed

2007-08-09T14:57:00.000-04:00

No good blog-fodder + obsession with baby = Crappity blog posts

Lemme know if there's something you want me to write about, 'kay?

Baby Daddy

2007-08-08T15:02:00.000-04:00

Y'all know Steve Almond, author of Candyfreak? He has a blog about his little girl, Josie. Am I late to the party on this, too?

The Ergo, Part 3

2007-08-08T14:36:00.001-04:00

[Part 2 here. Part 1 referenced later.]

I will now present a mini-photo essay of yesterday's late afternoon adventures with The Ergo. And PS--I took these photos of myself while wearing said Ergo and chasing after 3 bigger kids. Now that's talent!

Here's Hester Willa snoozing on my back as I play tag with her more mobile friends. She and I are glued together by sweat, but whatevs--my hands are free, I can bend over, and my back feels great. So what if it's 90 degrees and humid? We're bonding, damn it. (An aside--see how cute and chubby her little hand is? That's because she actually eats nowadays!)

But now you see my problem. And I spared you a trip out west, JPP!

Is this situation out of control or what?

Till later...ta ta!

Our alter egos

2007-08-06T16:25:00.000-04:00

You can be a Simpson, too!

Weekend fun

2007-08-06T15:15:00.000-04:00

This weekend was filled with family, art, music, shooting stars, coffee, picnic blankets, chocolate covered gummi bears, friends (old and new), sale shopping, and talk of babies. Though Hester, Petunia, and I are still under the weather from last week's summer colds, we had a great time.

How was your weekend?

In which I am ungrateful and peevish

2007-08-03T13:21:00.000-04:00

Y'all might recall that I only had one week off from work when Hester got discharged from her 7-week NICU stay. That sucked bigtime. I was so stressed: My work families were demanding, my child care kids were nuts, and Hester herself needed lots of TLC. Most days I wanted to run away and live in a cave with Hester and Petunia and never see anyone else ever ever again.

In the midst of that horrendously difficult first week of work, one of my work moms gave me some yarn she picked up while Hester was in the hospital. "I really liked these colors!" she said, "And I know you like to knit, so I thought this would make a nice summer sweater for the baby. There's definitely enough yarn here for a baby sweater--I checked with the woman at the yarn shop." And though I knew she meant the gift in a kind, generous way, in my stress haze all I could think was, "FUCK!!! Another demand on my time. Sport-weight (thin) yarn. And the gifter is at my house all the time so she'd know if I let the project sit. Gah!"

Resentfully, I started the sweater back in March. I finally finished it 2 weeks ago. It still needs blocking and some I-cord ties, but whatever: It's done. I'm still not appropriately grateful for the gift--the timing was terrible!--but I'm so glad to have knit this sweater for little Hester.

Proof that I'm a rockstar at tie-dyeing

2007-08-03T13:18:00.000-04:00

See, JPP?

Talk in her good ear

2007-08-02T13:13:00.001-04:00

So it turns out that Hester has her first ear infection. Which means she also has her first prescription for Amoxicillin, otherwise known as the #1 beverage of my own childhood. Ah, the memories!

After lots of issues about "Is she taking the pink stuff too soon?" and "What if she's allergic?" we bucked up and dosed the baby first thing this morning. So far, she's fine. Knock wood she stays that way.

The puking is neither here nor there, by the way: it's probably due to post-nasal drip. Her Zantac is fine.

Baby spew

2007-08-01T13:37:00.001-04:00

Under the heading "Better Safe Than Sorry," Petunia is on her way home to take Hester to the doctor. Hester's been vomiting a lot since she got sick with a head cold late last week, and we want to find out whether the vom can be blamed on post-nasal drip or whether her Zantac prescription needs to be adjusted.

Things I've Learned About Baby Spew, Part 3

1. Formula + baby cereal + baby yogurt + fruit/veg = V. colorful vomit.

2. I liked it better when it was only formula.

3. Carrots stain v. easily.

4. Good thing Crocs are washable.

Singing Bee

2007-08-01T13:13:00.001-04:00

Why do I always love the corniest shows?

That's all.

Plan B

2007-08-01T12:39:00.001-04:00

Many moons ago, I worked as a toddler teacher at a child development center. It was a fun job and I liked it, though I didn't like the way the administration treated the teachers. When I left that job to attend graduate school, I always figured that if I couldn't find a job doing other things, teaching would be a good solid Plan B for me.

Eight years ago I applied for and received my state license to teach infants and toddlers in a child care center. (Yes, it's a different process for center licensure vs. family child care licensure. Gotta love The State!) I promptly forgot all about this once I got my first post-grad school job as co-director of a youth center, and only remembered the license recently when we began to discuss moving west. On Monday I spoke with someone at the EEC who said that my license is still valid; she sent a new copy out to me with my married name on it. I received it yesterday.

It feels good to have this piece of paper in my possession. I like having options, and this license gives me one more possibility for work. Since we want to move to western MA before Hester starts school, it makes sense to me to start poking around now. Family child care might still be a possibility once we move, but maybe for a specific clientele, like teachers' children so I can have holidays and summers off with my little miss. Hmm.

At any rate, I'm glad to have my Plan B back again. I realize now that I actually missed it.

Road trip

2007-07-31T13:11:00.000-04:00

Alriiiiight. We're going on a mini-break! I just got confirmation that our wonderful neighbor Green Thumb will look after the furbabies, so this weekend we're outta here!

This will be our first little family road trip since Hester came home. We have big plans: a kid-friendly museum visit, lots of strolling and lolling around, good eats, an indoor pool, and a fabulous outdoor concert in the Berkshires! We've been away twice since Hester came home but neither of those trips was vacation-related. This one is, however, and BOY HOWDY am I ready for some R&R with my fam!

I'm dyeing here

2007-07-30T14:55:00.000-04:00

This morning I tie-dyed my first-ever t-shirts and socks. They turned out HIDEOUS, really laughable, but I'm going to wear them with pride anyway. I especially enjoy the one with concentric circles over the breast; that one's a real winner. (Petunia, of course, made the coolest tie-dyed shirt EVER, because she is talented and has a good eye. All I'm saying is that the things I dyed look worse than the things the preschoolers dyed. For real.) I'll post photos later.

So.

Did you know it was my birthday over the weekend? I didn't, either, but Petunia threw me a surprise birthday party at our favorite Thai restaurant because my actual birthday party got cancelled. It was my first surprise party ever. She even ordered my very favorite cake, a triple chocolate mousse cake from Flour. How awesome is she? Thanks to Petunia and to my friends for coming to the soiree!

The Ergo, Part 2

2007-07-26T15:16:00.000-04:00

So, more news about the Ergo:

1. It fits me a lot better around my hips than my waist. The extender isn't noticeable, either.

2. However, it is VERY hot to wear, both for Hester and for me. She complains when she's in it for more than a few minutes in this yucky weather. [She tolerates our regular front carrier just fine, though.]

2.5 The Ergo isn't nearly as ugly in real life as it looks online. We got the indigo with camel hood, and the colors are way brighter than I thought they'd be.

3. Because she's still so little, Hester can't see when she's in the Ergo. This is problematic for her because she's as nosy as her Mama.

4. The hip carry option is our current favorite because it lets Hester see and it's a little cooler for her. The hip carry is WAY comfy for me, too, much better than the sling or Maya wrap.

4.5 I'm still scared to wear her on my back in public because of The Chest Factor.

5. The final verdict: I think this is a product that will grow with us. Right now we can't use it in all the ways we'd like, but I think it'll become our BFF as time goes on.

Funny girl

2007-07-26T15:04:00.001-04:00

Hester has a very unique laugh. She doesn't sound like any other baby I've ever heard; when she's amused she says, "Huh huh huh" in separate little exclamations just like that. She's not a giggler, but when she thinks something's really funny she says, "Huh huh huh [high pitched squeak] huh huh." She doesn't laugh often, but she smiles like crazy. She cracks me up bigtime.

HP7

2007-07-24T13:41:00.000-04:00

Let's talk about Harry Potter, shall we?

Not the HP7 plot, mind you--I wouldn't give that away for love or money. Instead, let's talk about the fact that my brother Orca was supposed to buy himself a copy, read it, and then send it north to Petunia and me. We expected to receive it next week or the week after next.

Yesterday I heard a thud in our entryway, and guess what was there? A brand new copy of the book, just for us!

I finished it 10 minutes ago.

It's really good.

Thank you so much, Orca and Beluga, for thinking of us! It was such a happy (and very welcome) surprise!

Hospital memories

2007-07-19T14:01:00.000-04:00

Here's something interesting: I can't stand seeing photos of Hester in the NICU. Even good photos, pictures where she's resting comfortably or taking a bath (her favorite NICU activity) make me cringe. The ones where she looks sick make me want to throw up.

It's not just Hester in the NICU, either--it's all NICU images. I first noticed the aversion while watching Grey's Anatomy; I almost had to stop watching when they had that first NICU scene where Addison and McDreamy discuss the fate of a teeny tiny preemie. Hester wasn't a preemie but the unit had so many tiny kids like that. I'll never forget seeing a poster on a baby's isolette that read "Hooray! R. is 3 lbs. today!" My heart skipped a beat and I felt guilty yet grateful that Hester was so healthy in comparison.

The kids in Hester's NICU were mostly stable, so the few times we did see real medical action freaked me out bigtime. There was one great tragedy while Hester was there and it affected the staff profoundly. Thankfully, Hester herself was never in danger; she just needed extra TLC and lots of meds to help her recover from her illness. We took things day by day. It was only when Hester started to get better that we realized just how very sick she'd been. As the old saying goes, ignorance was bliss.

Now that the whole hospitalization experience is behind us and we see Hester growing and thriving, it's easy to gloss over how very difficult it was to have her there. She was in the hospital for 7 weeks, a hell of a long time. And she was very sick, too. And we couldn't be with her all day. And it killed us to leave her, though we did the very best we could. It's easy now to think of Hester's hospitalization as nothing more than a bad dream, but seeing photos of her there makes it real again.

Why we aren't allowed in Canada

2007-07-18T22:04:00.001-04:00

Three years ago Petunia and I were legally married in our home state of MA. We changed our names as a result of our marriage. Shortly after we received our marriage license, we filed all the appropriate name-change paperwork: social security, driver's licenses, passport agency, yada yada. All of it went just fine, except at the passport service: We were denied new passports because our name change happened at the time of our marriage. The agency said that DOMA took precedence over state law, so our name change wouldn't be recognized by the passport agency. Fun.

Being us, we looked into legal action and learned it would take years before anyone would be ready to take on DOMA. Our measly passport situation wouldn't work as a good test case, so it was pretty much a no-go. The best advice? Try again later; maybe we'd get a different clerk.

We still haven't tried, so we still can't travel out of the United States. No Canada, no Bermuda, no Bahamas. I'd dearly love to go to PEI, but we can't, at least for now. Until we finalize Hester's adoption, none of us can leave the country.

Fucking DOMA.

The Ergo is here.

2007-07-18T15:43:00.000-04:00

And I'm so torn about it.

On one hand, I luuurve it for being nice to my back. Hester seems to like it, too. It's the comfiest carrier I've ever used, and I've used a good 4-5 of them. I like the versatility of positions, too.

On the other hand, I HATE it for putting my chest center stage. Seriously, I'm like Mommy Porn Star in this thing. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to wear Hester on my back in public, for reals; that's a whole lot of chestular TMI for anyone who sees me in it. Also, I have the shortest torso ever in the history of the world, which means I can't wear the carrier on my waist. I have to wear it on my hips or Hester and I will knock heads. Why does this matter? It matters cuz I need to order the waist belt extender so the thing will fit around my (v. ample) hips. So there's that. Porn star plus super-sized behemoth to boot. This contraption is already doing great things for my self-image.

So here's the question: Larger mamas, what are you using for baby carriers? Please give me your advice. I'm thinking that the Ergo is made for our tinier, less busty sisters. Who makes a back-friendly baby carrier for the larger woman with no torso? This inquiring mind wants to know.

Random stuff

2007-07-16T13:38:00.001-04:00

Here's what's fun: The drive-in. It allows new parents to see movies with their babies in tow. Ours fell asleep during the first few minutes of Harry Potter and let us watch the rest of the movie in peace. Awesome! (Good movie, too.)

************************************************************

We're part of this little brunch group for queer adoptive parents. Our latest get-together was Saturday. Here's what's really nice: Connecting with other folks in the same boat. Also, the kids are SO EFFING CUTE you just want to eat them up. Seriously, it's a problem.

************************************************************

Hester had her 6-month check-up today. Petunia took her and both of them got teary for Hester's shots. We'd been a little worried about Hester's weight, but her pediatrician was pleased: Hester's holding steady at the 10th percentile. She's small but mighty at 13 lbs. 11 oz.

************************************************************

Petunia and I are hoping to take a real vacation next year. If you have a suggestion for a cheap-ish family-friendly vacation destination, I'm all ears.

************************************************************

I broke down and ordered a used Ergo for our family, and it should be here early this week. I'm wicked excited about it! Hester's still tiny, but she's already putting a strain on our backs when she's in the front carrier or Maya wrap. Here's hoping the Ergo lives up to its reputation.

************************************************************
I think that's it for now. It's All Hester, All the Time these days. I'm quite enjoying it!

Happy 6 months, Hester Willa!

2007-07-12T13:53:00.000-04:00

Halso...

2007-07-11T14:51:00.000-04:00

Hester will be 6 months old tomorrow.

That's all.

"You have a baby...in a bar!"

2007-07-11T13:38:00.000-04:00

So Hester went to a bar with us last night. On accident, I swear, and under duress. But still, there she was in her jammies looking at all the pretty lights coming through the liquor bottles. I thought our state had laws about this sort of thing, but apparently not. Hmm.

I'll back up for a sec and say that the reason we were in a bar at 9pm last night is that our dear friend L.'s father died unexpectedly over the weekend; his calling hours were last night. We went up right after work and missed dinner, but L. said that everyone was going out after the wake. We drove up to the restaurant, parked, walked in, and immediately realized that the restaurant side of the place was closed. However, the pub side was open, so that's where we all took a load off after the emotional evening. There was food and whatnot, but still: It was a bar.

The whole thing kinda cracked me up.

Road trip fun

2007-07-10T12:56:00.001-04:00

Dinner on the Pike.

Hester's first time in a swimming pool.

Sleepy Hester after lots of swimming.

Meeting Great Grandma Hester.

At the W________ Family Reunion.

Playing with Mumzy before breakfast.

Meeting some cousins.

More second cousins!

On the NY Thruway coming home last night.

More fun on the Thruway.

Road trip

2007-07-06T13:42:00.000-04:00

Tonight we're off to the wilds of northern NY for the annual family reunion. I'm scared about all the traveling, but it has to be done. Without the baby and the dog, it's a 6-hour trip each way. With the baby and dog, I think we'll get to know the interstate quite well indeed.

I've packed like a maniac for this trip. Petunia, Clara, and I have our regular weekend bags, but things went all to hell when I started packing for Hester. We have the 2 strollers, the front carrier, the Maya wrap, and a big-ass tote bag of formula, cereal, and jarred fruits/veggies. We have a small wheelie bag with baby clothes for every weather possibility, plus extras in the event of barfing. We have yet another tote bag with diapers, wipes, sunscreen, bug spray, baby body wash, washcloths, and a towel. We have one final bag with as many toys and books as I could cram into it. On top of all that, we have a bag of food for inside the car and a small cooler for cheese/fruit/drinks. We also have diaper bags, Petunia's work bag, 4 gallons of water, and a small bag filled with onesies and embroidery floss so I can get my stitch on at Grandma's.

Sigh. I'm tired just thinking about all that packing.

It should be a good trip, though. Hester will meet her Great Grandma Hester, her great aunts and uncles, and many cousins (none of them first cousins, though). She'll go swimming in a real pool for the first time. She might put her feet in Lake Ontario, too. All in all, it should be fun.

If we can make it there in one piece, that is. Wish us luck.

4th of July

2007-07-05T14:09:00.000-04:00

Being Hester's Mama is making me corny: I got all emotional at our local 4th of July concert when Hester heard Fanfare for the Common Man, 1812 Overture, and Stars and Stripes Forever for the first time. She especially enjoyed seeing the orchestra close-up, and I noticed she watched the timpani player a lot. Perhaps we have a 3rd generation percussionist on our hands!

Field trip!

2007-07-03T15:44:00.000-04:00

Have y'all been to Davis Farmland? It's my new favorite kids' place. I took Hester and Mr. Pea there today for work and all 3 of us loved it. Mr. Pea is 13 months old and Hester is 5 months, and there was lots to see and do for both of them and for me. There's the farm part, of course: Mr. Pea pet sheep, goats, snakes, a kitten, a lizard, and a 2-day old calf. However, there's also a zero-depth water park! Hester liked holding her hands in the spray and letting her whole body get misted while Mr. Pea liked trying to catch streams of water. The staff were friendly and helpful, the whole place was well-maintained, and they have clean, well-equipped family bathrooms. What more could a person want?

Distance

2007-06-28T14:56:00.000-04:00

Today I got terrible news from someone I love very much.

I hope he knows I'm thinking of him.

Hooray!

2007-06-27T14:57:00.000-04:00

Let's hear it for:

--iced coffee
--air conditioners and the wonderful wives who install them (thanks again, Petunia!)
--water play with the kids
--sleepy babies
--feeling healthier
--vintage baby clothes (thanks again, Poor_Statue!)
--perfectly ripe red plums
--good mail
--a brand new baby boy--congratulations K&K!
--other babies on the way (congratulations to L&L and S&S)
--new glittery pink nail polish plus flamingo flip flops
--Grey's Anatomy from the Netflix (I'm hooked on this show 90210-style)
--meeting new friends at the zoo
--hearing great news from those same friends
--planning a get-together with old friends
--anticipating a night out with my 2 favorite people: they welcome babies!
--new library books

What's on your Hooray List today?

Contemplating a run for office

2007-06-26T14:36:00.000-04:00

Petunia is so good to me.

2007-06-26T14:01:00.000-04:00

She installed our heavy-ass air conditioners yesterday in anticipation of today's heat/humidity fest. She also bought another a/c for Hester's room, which she installed before she left for work this morning.

She fed Hester at 3am.

She's v. solicitous of Hester's and my icky snotty summer colds. She even called twice today to check in on us.

She got everything ready for last night's final post-placement visit with Ms. Stork. All I had to do was clean up from work.

She made strawberry sundaes last night. Yum!

Petunia is the best. I'm so lucky to be her wife!

Early Intervention update

2007-06-25T14:09:00.000-04:00

Hester had another Early Intervention appointment this morning. Thankfully, she's doing great. The big change is that they decided to reassess her at 6 months rather than 1 year since she's doing so well. I'm glad, too--I'm sick of Early Intervention. Our specialist is v. condescending; today she told Petunia it's good to play Pat-a-Cake with Hester. She also puts her foot in it re: adoption stuff every month, which pisses me off. I'll be glad when Early Intervention is over.

Newsflash

2007-06-22T13:32:00.000-04:00

My mom recently started reading my blog. Holla!

Ol' Clumsy is at it again

2007-06-22T13:03:00.001-04:00

Plus: My stomach's feeling better.

Minus: I stabbed myself in the eye with a garden stake.

I thought I was going to have my first ride in an ambulance there for a minute. My eye hurt. I bent over to retrieve a ball from the garden and BLAMMO! blinding pain in my right eye. I don't know how my eyeball is still stuck in my head. It's fine, though--no bruising, bleeding, hemorraging, etc.--just a nasty headache in my eye socket and forehead.

I'm such a tool.

Home sick

2007-06-21T11:14:00.000-04:00

I'm off work today for my 2nd sick day ever. I've had a stomach virus since Saturday and thought I beat it on Tuesday, but yesterday I realized I was wrong. Very, very wrong. Here's what's not fun: telling your active toddlers they can't go outside on a beautiful afternoon because you need to stick close to the bathroom. Also not fun: Running to the bathroom while work parents are picking up their kids.

[Note to self: When recovering from a stomach bug, give it a few extra days before having a salad with raspberries and a side of fresh corn for lunch.]

I feel guilty for missing work today even though my work parents know I'm genuinely sick. However, Hester and I have been hanging out chill-style this morning and it's been WONDERFUL. She relaxed under her baby gym in the early morning while I moped on the couch. Then I fed her and we both napped for a couple of hours, which was blissful.

I am a lucky, lucky woman to have a baby this easygoing.

Now that we're both awake, I'm trying to decide what to do this afternoon. The J part of me wants to run errands--I need to go to the much-dreaded BJs and know it would be quieter on a workday--but rest of me wants to relax here at home. I think that's what I'll do--shower, sit on the couch some more, and play with baby Hester.

I think I'll skip the veggies at lunch, though.

Water baby

2007-06-20T14:14:00.000-04:00

So far today...

2007-06-20T13:27:00.001-04:00

...a child offered me a cocktail from the dramatic play kitchen.

...two other children slow danced to Time After Time.

...we ate ginormous monster cupcakes brought by a parent in celebration of her son's 3rd birthday.

I'm enjoying work again.

Question

2007-06-19T14:14:00.000-04:00

I know that some of y'all have 5-year olds in your life. Can you recommend any favorite books for kids that age? Thanks!

Yes, she is small.

2007-06-18T14:20:00.000-04:00

You know how one minute you can be all, "Hey, my kid's doing great!" and the next minute all, "OMG, is there something wrong with my kid?" We had a couple of moments like that during Portland Pride.

During the parade we stood next to some pediatrician dude from northern Maine who wouldn't stop commenting on Hester's weight. He was all, " How old is she, 3 months?" and, "She's really small for 5 months, " and, "She has the classic 4-month head wobble, " and, "Was she full-term?" and, "Hmm, she's really small for her age." Jeezy! Then down at the festival, another woman wouldn't let up on Hester's size either: "She's so small for 5 months! Does she drink breast milk? Do you use partially digested formula? Did she ever drink breast milk?" ARRGHH!

As y'all know, this is the health issue we're most concerned about for Hester. She doesn't like to eat and she is small for her age (weight-wise, not length-wise). Her pediatrician is keeping an eye on Hester's growth but she isn't concerned, so we're trying hard to follow her lead. Still, it's difficult: When you try all day to feed your baby and she doesn't want to eat, it's a pretty stressful situation. The last thing you want is people making a big deal out of the very issue you're trying to minimize.

Random stuff

2007-06-15T13:53:00.000-04:00

Second quarter taxes are due today. Blech.

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My v. stylish and kind friends C&F sent us a little package from their newest venture, Bureau of Urban Living. They gave Hester the sweetest little embroidered pillow! I wish I lived in Detroit so I could visit them all the time.

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Last night Petunia and I went to a card making class given by one of my work moms. We went out of obligation, but we made some really cool greeting cards. Who knew? Now I'm kind of obsessed with this transparent ink that lets you stamp watermark-looking things onto your papers. It's pretty cool stuff.

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Hester's big on the stranger anxiety these days. She's been fussing at folks for a while now, but on Wednesday she full-on cried when Baby A.'s mom smiled at her. I wanted to take her aside and be like, "Look Hester, N.'s baby died when he was a month younger than you are now. Let the woman hold you, for crying out loud!" Not my most empathetic moment, I'll grant you.

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For 3 years I've gotten away with calling the ice cream truck "the music truck" during work hours. (What? It's not exactly a lie!) However, I fear that my sweets-loving 2.5 year old little girl is going to blow my cover: "Why those kids have ice creams, Clementine? The music truck has ice creams?"

Sigh. If they ever discover the tastiness of Phil's homemade ice cream sandwiches, I'll have a mutiny on my hands.

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We really need copies of Hester's photos for Bobby for Father's Day, but it just won't happen for us: Target let us down bigtime and CVS wouldn't recognize the files on the CD from our computer (though they transferred just fine to Petunia's computer at work...what gives?). We're sending Bobby the CD itself with a note that real photos will be coming soon, but this sucks--it's his first Father's Day with Hester and there's a screw up. I feel guilty about it, but Petunia and I have been trying to get those photos printed all week. At least Bobby will have a card, Hester's molded hand print, and a letter from us (we sent his package overnight today). It doesn't feel right without the pictures, though.

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I'm looking forward to a great weekend! I have Portland Pride, a visit to Hester's old NICU, and a long-awaited Psychic Twin Birthday Blowout with my dear JPP. Good times are ahead. I hope they are for you, too.

And in other news

2007-06-14T15:21:00.000-04:00

Clara's afraid of our laptop. Specifically, she's afraid of its slideshow screensaver. It's all photos of Hester (of course!) and she freaked out when she saw her baby's face flashing across the screen. I had to pet the computer, talk to it in a sweet voice, and give Clara a treat to make her stop. It was pretty funny, actually.

Happy Pride Month indeed

2007-06-14T13:51:00.001-04:00

Now that I've made all my thank you calls to the appropriate senators and representatives (not to mention our new governor!), it's starting to sink in: We're free. We won. We can rest for a moment before taking up this struggle again in other ways and in other states. No more worrying whether equal marriage will remain legal in our home state. No more threats of an ugly anti-equality campaign in which our families are dragged through the mud. No more feeling second class as our very lives are up for public debate.

On a personal level, no more worrying whether my business will close because I can't get health insurance through my wife's insurance policy. No more questioning whether Hester's 2nd birth certificate will list both of us as her legal parents. No more concerns over hospital visits, insurance policies, and inheritance rights. No more worrying that our own marriage might be annulled.

Tonight when Petunia returns from the State House we'll celebrate this victory for equality. For today at least, justice and freedom prevailed.

Fucking Fuckerface lets us down again

2007-06-14T13:28:00.000-04:00

Our fuckerface of a state rep voted for the amendment. Ooh, I'm mad.

But he LOST, and conservative crazies LOST, and EQUAL RIGHTS WON!

Oh my lord, I love Massachusetts.

More news

2007-06-14T13:25:00.000-04:00

To put the amendment before the voters, the other side needed 50 votes. They only got 45. The amendment is dead!

OH MY GOD

2007-06-14T13:18:00.000-04:00

They voted NO! Equal marriage WON!

More soon.

Equal marriage is at stake

2007-06-13T13:27:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow is the next MA Constitutional Convention. I feel sick over what's at stake. If 50 legislators vote to approve the "one man, one woman" amendment, it'll go before the voters next November. If you live in MA, you know what you need to do: Get in touch with your state legislators today before it's too late.

Time heals an old wound

2007-06-12T13:32:00.000-04:00

Several years ago I worked at a local nonprofit. I loved it there--my clients were amazing and my coworkers were outstanding. The 4 of us on staff were a tight team, all completely committed to our clients. I worked there happily for several years and I still count it as the most important work I've ever done.

Things ended badly at the nonprofit, however. Relationships between coworkers deteriorated as one person left for school, another left for a different nonprofit job, and I left to take a fellowship. The 4th person was left to run the place with a completely new staff and no support. It was a horrible time--I cried every morning and night for a couple of months before I finally resigned.

After leaving, I was messed up for a long time. Things were said during those last 2 months that made me doubt the very core of myself. It took a couple of years for the pain to lift enough for me to understand why things ended so horribly. It was crazy--for a while I felt like I was losing my mind. Once I got some distance, though, I realized all the good I did while I worked there. I also regained the pride and confidence I lost when I left. Still, I avoided the folks I knew from there; I didn't want to be reminded of such a dark time.

However, at Pride I ran into one of those old coworkers. [Frickkin' Pride!] She was with her family and I was with Hester and Petunia. Her partner--maybe wife now?--cooed over the baby while I exclaimed over her child. She and I exchanged pleasantries, then she hugged me a couple of times. She said something about moving on from Ye Olde Nonprofit herself.

And it was strange...in those few minutes with her I finally got some closure about those last 2 months at the nonprofit. Maybe it was knowing that none of the old guard was still on staff; maybe it was seeing her and thinking, "Wow, I've missed her." I'm not sure exactly what happened, but I felt good about seeing her. Like I'd come back into my own, if that makes sense.

Hmm.

A day to remember

2007-06-10T22:35:00.000-04:00

Today began on a great note with news of our dear friends' pregnancy (we were with them at brunch when they got the call from their fertility clinic!) and got even better when my brother called to announce his engagement! That's two times today I got to bust out the joyful tears, folks. TWO! I'm so happy for L&L and for Orca and Beluga! Babies and weddings...does it get any better than that?

What a joyful, wonderful day!

Happy Pride Month!

2007-06-10T22:31:00.000-04:00